This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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