If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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