hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
