So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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