It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
