you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
