I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
