He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
