remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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