Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
