Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
