I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
