How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
