i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everclear isn't food dammit
My bed smells like the plague
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
