Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
