Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
