i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
