Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
