youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
