so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
