before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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