took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish you could order shots online.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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