I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
