yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to make out with him forever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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