Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
