We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
