Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
