Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
