I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
