Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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