Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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