I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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