i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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