I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
