you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
