You really coming over, don't trick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
