Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
