just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
