Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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