You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
