He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
