is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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