i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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