More tranny stories later!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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