I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
