What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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