i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
