is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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