I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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