No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize