I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
