He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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