Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
