Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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