HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
