You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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