She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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