My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
