I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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