So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
