...so i touched it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
