Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
