If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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