I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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