Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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