Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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