I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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