Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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