Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
