I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
