Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize