when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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