So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
4 words: hood of his car
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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