i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
