Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize